“Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
Psalm 46:10
Silence. It has become a luxury that too few in this culture are willing to spend on. To us, it seems a waste. Silence takes time and time is money and money can buy you success and success holds the most value — except does it? Have we in this society forged such a wayward path that we have lost sight of what is truly worthy, beautiful, and valuable in this life? I fear that Jesus’ answer would be a resounding yes. His short tenure on earth was arguably the most significant as his mission was one of ultimate consequence. In a society that cares so much about how many accolades and achievements can fit on a one-page résumé, Jesus’ would have blown every one of ours out of the water. He gave sight to the blind, healed the sick, caused the lame to walk, not to mention he took our sins to the cross, died and rose again, defeating death once and for all. Pretty impressive, I’d say. Yet, Jesus’ ministry was not too busy or involved to take time to retreat and be with God. And he is God. Why would he “waste” his time in silence and stillness before the Father when he could’ve been healing more people or preaching to his followers?
Throughout Scripture, God’s command is relentless: “Be still” (Exodus 14:4), “Be still” (Mark 4:39), “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). So, against some of our half-hearted hesitations, the Fellows spent a full day in stillness before the Lord. Being an introvert myself, I walked into it ready for some time away from what has become a packed Fellows year, but to my chagrin, being in that extended time of nothingness was a more challenging feat than I imagined. After some long hours of distracted thoughts (“When will Tanya ring the bell?”), opening and closing my Bible (and doing the same with my journal), walking around the neighborhood trying to make some kind of human interaction (the dog-walkers wouldn’t even make eye contact), these are my takeaways:
absence
It was hard. Like, really hard. I was shocked by how restless I was as I wrestled with endless thoughts about the work I had to do, the plans I had for the next week, my worries and fears about the future. With my phone and laptop far out of reach, the incessant need to check them went unmet. The long stretch of time without the company of other people was lonelier than I had anticipated. I felt the absence of the busy world where so many of my idols existed. Then, it hit me. Somewhere along the way I had gotten so lost in the noise of life that it controlled me — my thoughts, actions, and the way I lived my life. I was so engaged with trying to serve them that it wasn’t until I was forced to retreat from them that I finally found freedom in the Lord.
presence
I wanted the lightning bolt moment. For hours, I anticipated the radical idea or thought the Lord might reveal to me during this “mountaintop moment”. I didn’t want the time in silence to be wasted. I waited and waited and nothing came. Finally, exhausted, I laid down and closed my eyes. There, in the Lord’s presence, I finally got it. It wasn’t a divine plan or a profound insight that God wanted me to take away. He wanted me to just be. In just laying there doing absolutely nothing, the Lord was delighting in me and I in him. It wasn’t productive in the way the world would quantify productivity, but it was more deeply filling than anything else I could have been doing at that moment. I didn’t have to say the right thing or produce some sort of work — I could simply be with him. And that was more than enough.
Silence in the Lord’s presence does not require any sort of financial payment, but it is expensive. Thankfully, it is paid for in full. By Jesus’ blood we are able to lay like sheep before the Shepherd and just be. So, take it from me: of all the things you can do today, being silent is by far the most valuable way you can “waste” your time.
