“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”
Matthew 11:28-29
These past two months as a fellow have been uniquely restful. Admittedly, my bar for hours of sleep coming into the program was not very high, but between gatherings with friends, setting my phone aside to be present, and Sundays bookended by morning and evening worship, I have felt the Lord inviting me into the beauty and freedom of laying down my busy routine to rest and delight in what He has provided.
Concurrently, entering into this new environment and its rhythms revealed a restlessness I thought the Lord and I had already worked through. How was it, then, that my mind so swiftly retreated to a list of worries? Constant awareness of my shortcomings filled my thoughts and seeped into times of prayer – until a few weeks ago at Tanya’s house, during an hour set aside to remember prayer as a conversation with the Lord, we were encouraged not just to talk but also to listen. Ironically, Am I listening, Lord?, was all I could think about. Later, I found a spot outside, ready to set my questions aside and be still before Him. The Lord was faithful to respond, and without delay, opened my eyes to the magnificent display of His power, intelligence, care, and beauty in creation – in everything from watching an airplane in the sky to a spider web by my feet.
Fast-forward two weeks, and I am back in my little nook at Tanya’s house, tasked with reflecting on what my relationship with the Lord has looked like as of late. I spent that time recalling numerous ways I had fallen short, as though keeping myself at an arm’s distance from the Lord, even as He tells me that He already knows me and that I am welcome into His loving embrace. These days, I feel His call on my heart, asking, what if I focused less on what I have done and more on how He has been faithful? Not on my insufficiency, but on His mercy. What if the very thoughts I have been clinging to are what He is calling me to lay down when He says, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest”?
In this season of new challenges, blessings, and growth, the daily (and sometimes even hourly) surrender of my thoughts and feelings to the Lord has given me true rest. As I consider my path forward, He’s reminding me that He is the lamp unto my feet, calling me to walk in faith one step at a time, and that His goodness and love are not limited by my imperfections (Psalm 119:105, Psalm 103). In months or years from now, when He teaches me these lessons again in new ways, I know He will be calling me not to despair, but to rest and trust that “He who began a good work in [me] will bring it to completion” (Philippians 1:6). Praise be to the Lord!
“Out of my bondage, sorrow and night,
Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
into Thy freedom, gladness and light,
Jesus, I come to Thee.
…
Out of the depths of ruin untold,
into the peace of Thy sheltering fold,
ever Thy glorious face to behold,
Jesus, I come to Thee.”
William T. Sleeper, “Jesus, I Come”
The fellows enjoying a peaceful sunrise!
About the Author
Andra Constantin is a member of the Fourth Fellows Class of 2025-2026. She is from New Jersey and is a graduate of Princeton University. This year, she is doing software development for a tech startup.